


Bitter Work

by happygiraffe



Series: Recovery [6]
Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Food Issues, Gen, Hurt Obi-Wan Kenobi, Hurt/Comfort, Major Character Injury, Medical Procedures, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Whump, Written for the QuiObi Writing Discord, duel of the fates au, qui-gon jinn also coincidentally needs a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:21:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27143752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happygiraffe/pseuds/happygiraffe
Summary: There were things that Obi-Wan deserved to take for granted, like feeding himself and sleeping without pain, which had now become struggles. It wasn’t fair. Qui-Gon grapples with the little injustices along Obi-Wan's road to recovery, and helps Anakin through a difficult morning as he is adjusting to life at the Jedi Temple.
Relationships: Qui-Gon Jinn & Anakin Skywalker, Qui-Gon Jinn & Obi-Wan Kenobi
Series: Recovery [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1862353
Comments: 16
Kudos: 191





	Bitter Work

**Author's Note:**

> This series is a collaborative effort by Firondoiel, LuvEwan, sanerontheinside, and myself!
> 
> The next update is scheduled for this Sunday, 10/25/20

Qui-Gon’s eyes burned from another restless night. Obi-Wan looked like he was barely keeping his open.

Their morning meeting with the healers was just Luminara and one of the orthopedic specialists today, but Qui-Gon suspected Vokara Che would stop by later. Obi-Wan grimaced and brought a hand up to his lips. He motioned for the controller for his bed, and Qui-Gon handed it to him.

Obi-Wan pressed the button to increase the incline, which the healers said would help with the acid reflux. The tube feedings seemed to cause as many problems as they solved, and this most recent side effect had kept him up—kept them both up—most of the night. They were getting adjusted to the big things, the pain and the knowledge that things would never be the same again, but sometimes the endless slew of little frustrations were somehow harder to bear.

Obi-Wan’s eyes closed again.

“Obi-Wan did well on his swallow study yesterday,” Luminara was saying. She had already given up trying to keep Obi-Wan from drifting off. Now she paused to look into Qui-Gon’s face, trying to gauge if he was listening either. “The damage to his digestive tract has healed enough that we feel comfortable introducing some solid food, if he feels ready.”

Qui-Gon registered that this was good news. He prodded Obi-Wan gently, and Luminara repeated herself.

“Definitely ready,” he assured her. The corner of his mouth twitched into a smile.

Qui-Gon tried to smile too, but somewhere along the way it got twisted up into a dark scowl that he didn’t quite expect or understand.

“Does that mean I can get the tube out?” Obi-Wan rasped.

Luminara frowned. “Let’s see how it goes first. If you manage to take in enough nutrients and keep them down for a few days in a row, we’ll be able take it out.”

Obi-Wan had started off with a feeding tube in his nose and down his throat, but when it started to grow irritated and it was clear he still had a long way to go, they’d opted to surgically implant one. It was less painful than the NG tube, but Qui-Gon knew that it still hurt, and that meals of nutrient paste often left him either nauseous or hungry. It was one of the little discomforts that felt like insult added to injury.

“What do I get to eat?” Obi-Wan asked, raising one eyebrow.

“You need to start with something plain and easy to digest. What sounds good?”

He looked so damn excited. It wasn’t fair that something so small should feel like such a huge step. As Obi-Wan and Lumi continued to discuss it, the words slipped out of Qui-Gon’s focus as his grip on the side rail of the bed tightened.

Qui-Gon thought he was doing a decent job of concealing the dark feeling that had seized up in his chest, but when Obi-Wan turned to look towards him, his face suddenly fell.

“What’s wrong?” Obi-Wan asked.

“Nothing is wrong,” Qui-Gon lied.

He could tell that Obi-Wan was still watching his expression.

“Please excuse me,” he said quietly, and slipped out of the room. He felt their eyes on him, confusion and hurt in Obi-Wan’s gaze, but he kept walking.

He walked through the Temple and breathed through his nose, taking in the reassuringly familiar smells of safety and home.

* * *

When the Halls of Healing grew to be too much, Qui-Gon often found himself in the crèche.

He glanced at his chrono. Anakin would be busy with his morning meditation class at this hour, but Qui-Gon could use the opportunity to ask his clanmaster for updates on how he was adjusting. It was easy to forget, but the past several weeks had been strange and life-altering for him, too.

“Master Jinn, I’m glad you’re here,” one of the crèchemasters greeted him at the door. “Anakin is in his room.”

“He’s not in class?”

Qui-Gon was shown to the initiate dorm that Anakin shared with two other boys his age. Anakin was in the lowest bunk, crouched on his knees with a pillow in his lap. His grip on the pillow tightened when he heard the soft knock on the door, and he buried his face.

“Anakin, may I sit down?”

“Yes,” Anakin squeaked.

“Master Rhara told me that you yelled at a classmate this morning, and then wouldn’t come out of this room,” Qui-Gon stated evenly.

Anakin mumbled something into the pillow.

“Would you like to tell me what it was about?”

“It’s just…meditation class is for babies. All the kids in my year are already really good at it, and I try so hard I promise I really try!” said Anakin. He looked up, as if begging Qui-Gon to believe him.

“I know how hard you try, Ani. I’ve seen how you work hard at everything you do, and I know it does not always come easy. That makes it even more admirable.”

“It’s just stupid,”

“Meditation is stupid?” Qui-Gon almost laughed.

“No!” Anakin huffed. “What’s stupid is that Maru was trying to be nice. She told me I did really good. But it made me feel really mad because I don’t want to be kind-of-good-compared-to-the-toddlers, I want to be _normal_.”

“So you yelled at her.”

Anakin nodded. “I already told Master Rhara I’m going to say sorry when she comes back.”

Qui-Gon made a soft sound of approval. “Ani, look at me, please.”

Anakin uncurled his shoulders, sitting up and letting the pillow rest in his lap.

“Learning something new is often frustrating. But your hard work is paying off, and your classmates are noticing. That is a good thing.”

“I know,” said Anakin.

“But it doesn’t feel like enough?” Qui-Gon guessed.

Anakin shook his head.

“That’s alright. It’s okay to feel frustrated. But remember that you are learning and growing in many ways at once. You have already accomplished a lot, in ways that you may not even see.” Qui-Gon thought of how they’d passed this whole conversation so far without any nervous apologies or appeals for Qui-Gon to let him stay and keep trying to be a good Jedi. Anakin was starting to feel more comfortable, and learning to trust that his safety here was not conditional.

Not all wounds heal that quickly, though. Anakin studied Qui-Gon’s face. He paid more attention to adults’ emotions than a kid his age should, and it saddened Qui-Gon to speculate on why. No matter the reason, he picked up the irritation etched into Qui-Gon’s face easily.

“Master Qui-Gon, is Obi-Wan worse?” Anakin ventured.

“No, thank the Force” Qui-Gon shook his head. “He is going to try to eat on his own today.”

“That’s good!”

“It’s very good. He is getting stronger every day.” Qui-Gon paused thoughtfully. “I suppose sometimes, though, it doesn’t feel like enough.”

Qui-Gon knew that Obi-Wan had been absolutely miserable with the tube feedings, and this was a big step. But it _shouldn’t_ be. Qui-Gon wanted to be happy for him, but all he could do was wonder how low they had sunk for something like this to feel like a victory.

“He gets frustrated?” Anakin asked.

“Yes, sometimes. And I get frustrated too.”

Obi-Wan deserved to be twenty-six, and strong and whole. He deserved to be a knight. There were things that he deserved to take for granted, like feeding himself and sleeping without pain. It wasn’t _fair._

“Have you told him yet? That he might not walk again?” Anakin whispered.

They hadn’t discussed it at length, not yet. But Qui-Gon’s answer was truthful, “The healers are still trying to repair his spine, and there’s already been some improvement. But he is coherent enough now to realize that the sensation is gone, and he knows that he probably won’t get back to one hundred percent.”

Anakin sighed. “Sometimes I feel like I’m never going to catch up. But I don’t have it that bad.”

Qui-Gon didn’t trust himself to formulate a reply other than, “You will catch up, Ani, but you don’t have to do it all at once.”

When the chrono chimed and young initiates started to file out of the biggest room in the center of the crèche, Qui-Gon stood.

“I believe it’s time for you to go find Initiate Maru, and then get to your next activity” Qui-Gon suggested gently.

Anakin nodded. “Bye, Master Qui-Gon. Thanks for coming to see me.”

“Take care, Ani.”

It was time for Qui-Gon to leave too. Now that his head had cooled, he needed to go back and make sure things were smoothed over with Obi-Wan. He could feign excitement for his padawan’s sake until the dark feeling passed. Obi-Wan deserved that much.

Qui-Gon took the walk back to the Halls at a deliberate pace, gathering his thoughts. Obi-Wan’s bed was angled into a sitting position, and he was carefully sipping what looked like a thin broth through a straw. His hand wobbled and he set the cup down on the bedside tray to rest.

“What do you think?” Qui-Gon asked softly by way of greeting.

“This is the best thing I’ve ever tasted,” Obi-Wan said with a shaky laugh. His speech always sounded breathless, but there was a note of his old self in it which grew more noticable every day. “Is this why some Jedi fast? I always thought it was a meditation thing.”

Qui-Gon smiled a genuine smile in spite of himself.

“I apologize,” Qui-Gon said.

“’S okay,” Obi-Wan murmured.

“Hush, just listen. I’m very proud of how far you’ve come. I thank the Force that you’re still here, and still fighting.” Qui-Gon took up his usual seat by the bed, and lay a hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder.

Obi-Wan smiled at the contact. “I know,” he whispered.


End file.
